Mummies Detained At South Korean Airport


BREAKING NEWS alert! Undead creatures were spotted at Gimpo International Airport during China’s Golden Week holiday (Oct. 1–8). Or was it just three Chinese women who felt so fresh and rejuvenated after coming home from a vacation, it was almost as if they were completely different people?

Did I say “coming home”? I meant attempting to come home.

The bandaged women were barred from returning to China while they were detained and questioned after airport officials could not identify them due to the multiple cosmetic procedures they’d undergone in South Korea.

China has quickly become the Asian country with the highest number of plastic surgeries, with citizens reportedly going under the knife to gain an edge in both the dating world and the job market.

News anchor Jian Huahua suggested airports equip themselves with pupil recognition devices to avoid any confusion in the future.

Pro tip: when mutilating your face beyond recognition, stay in the country and get your passport updated after you look less like something from a top grossing horror film.

If only an expert like Rick O’Connell had been on the scene with a fleshbound book and a box of cats.

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